How to Safeguard Yourself While Divorcing a Narcissist in Pierce County

Going through the divorce process is understandably challenging and emotionally taxing. Even if you and your spouse have decided to end your marriage on relatively peaceful and amicable terms, it’s natural to experience complex feelings of loss, sadness, and grief as this shared chapter of your life comes to an end. The divorce process in Washington state can become even more stressful for contentious couples who cannot agree on some of the fundamental terms of their separation. In some cases, they may need to take their disagreements to court in order for a judge to determine a fair outcome. Whether you find yourself moving through a relatively smooth divorce process or you and your spouse need time and legal assistance to achieve a fair resolution, it’s important to recognize that you can rely on loved ones, therapists, and other sources of support to reassure and empower you to move through every step of this process. Unfortunately, when your spouse exhibits narcissistic tendencies during this stressful time, navigating the divorce process can become even more complicated—and even risky for you and your children. Divorcing a narcissist often requires additional tactics and strategies to ensure that your best interests are sufficiently safeguarded from the other party’s manipulation, anger, and abuse. 

Even if your spouse is attempting to convince you that they will “play nice” during the divorce process, it’s wise to approach the upcoming legal process with vigilance. Enlisting the guidance of a trusted and caring Seattle divorce attorney is the best way to move through this process with poise and confidence, knowing that you have a dedicated and experienced legal advocate in your corner to protect your best interests at every turn. Let’s take a look at some of the strategies you can use to protect yourself and your children during a divorce in Pierce County or King County and how hiring a divorce lawyer dealing with narcissism can maximize your chances of securing a fair and favorable outcome. 

Recognizing Narcissistic Traits in a Spouse

Before we begin to explore some of the strategies for how to protect yourself when divorcing a narcissist, it’s helpful to recognize and understand some of the narcissistic tendencies that can arise in your soon-to-be ex-spouse. According to the Mayo Clinic, “Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition in which people have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance. They need and seek too much attention and want people to admire them.” Although narcissists tend to exhibit a sense of extreme self-confidence, this is a mask for an underlying concern about their self-worth. Essentially, narcissists can become easily upset by even the slightest criticism, and they thrive on manipulating others into paying them compliments and bolstering their overly polished view of themselves. It may seem counterintuitive, but many people with narcissistic personality disorder lack confidence in themselves or have low self-worth, which prompts them to seek constant reassurance that they are “the best,” even if they have done nothing to earn special treatment or recognition. Unfortunately, narcissists tend to lack the ability to care or empathize with the feelings of others. However, many narcissists have developed interpersonal skills that may make it seem as if they care about others, but they are actually just manipulating their family members, friends, or coworkers into paying them compliments and propping up their inflated self-image. Narcissism can be tricky to diagnose, as most people with narcissistic personality disorder will not seek treatment from a therapist or mental health professional in the first place. 

How Narcissists Navigate the Divorce Process in Washington State

Since people with narcissistic personality disorder can be triggered into exaggerated emotions or outbursts at the slightest sign of conflict, the divorce process can be especially challenging to navigate with a narcissistic spouse. Gathering the courage to even mention the prospect of a divorce can send them into a tailspin, which may mean that they respond with a sense of entitlement, a craving for constant attention, and an overall lack of empathy or ability to see—or even acknowledge—your perspective. Suddenly, the difficult and nuanced communications that must take place during the divorce process become even more fraught and delicate, as you worry about their responses or potential acts of retaliation against you for seeking a divorce. Or, if the spouse with narcissistic tendencies was the one who filed for divorce, you may struggle to negotiate a fair divorce agreement with someone who has little to no empathy for your well-being. Even if your soon-to-be ex-spouse has not received a formal diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder, it’s worth enlisting the guidance and support of a caring and knowledgeable Seattle divorce lawyer to ensure that your best interests remain safeguarded at every turn.

How to Protect Yourself From a Narcissist Spouse During Divorce

As you well know, the divorce process relies on open and honest communication to ensure that both parties obtain the resources they need to begin their new lives apart from one another. However, since narcissists have trouble with compromising and listening to perspectives that are not their own, these negotiations can become all the more challenging and confusing. It’s highly important that you enlist the guidance of divorce lawyers who deal with narcissists so that you can safeguard your best interests and secure the solid and stable foundation you need to move forward once the divorce is finalized. Below are some strategies for protecting your best interests and investing in your emotional health during the divorce process as you seek to end your relationship with a narcissist.

Identify Sources of Support to Build Your Network

Dealing with a narcissist and their ability to manipulate you into doubting the validity of your perspective can complicate the divorce process and even make you vulnerable to agreeing to less-than-fair terms. When you build a solid support system, you can rely on these trusted individuals to remind you of your spouse’s selfish interests and manipulation tactics. For instance, an experienced mental health professional can help you identify the narcissist’s attempts to manipulate you or invalidate your perspective. For those who have been with a spouse exhibiting narcissistic tendencies for many years, this manipulative partner may have eroded your support system and isolated you from those who may have clashed with their exaggerated or inflated self-image. Now’s the time to start rebuilding these key relationships so that you can feel less alone and confused during this challenging time.

Set Realistic Expectations For the Upcoming Divorce Process

Untangling your life from that of a narcissistic spouse will not be a simple or stress-free endeavor. That’s just the reality, even if it’s difficult to recognize. As you prepare for the divorce process, it’s best to acknowledge that this will be a challenging experience that may require litigation. Although you probably hoped to obtain a divorce through a more collaborative process, such as mediation, taking the matter before an objective court may be the most appropriate way to ensure that your best interests are protected. Moreover, if you were hoping to represent yourself during the divorce proceedings, this may not be the most strategic path forward. With an experienced Seattle divorce lawyer by your side, you can rest easier knowing that your well-being will remain the top priority at all times. No matter what path your divorce takes, the ultimate goal is for you to walk away feeling secure and optimistic about your newly independent future.

Document Everything to Ensure Objectivity

As you move through the divorce negotiation process, your narcissistic spouse may present a distorted version of reality. Many people with narcissistic personality traits tend to paint themselves as victims in order to gain the sympathy of others, or they may make the case that they are wonderful human beings who deserve a larger share of marital assets because they somehow “deserve” them. However, if you can provide documentation that contradicts their version of the truth or pokes holes in their narrative, you can keep the fight fair and ensure that the outcome is a reasonable compromise for both parties. Your attorney can help you identify and compile clear evidence and documentation that maximizes your chances of securing a fair and favorable outcome. 

Work With Seattle’s Go-To Divorce and Family Law Firm

At the Hemmat Law Group, we believe in empowering our clients to make informed decisions about their futures. We are ready to help you put strategies in place that shield you from manipulation, anger, and potential abuse from your soon-to-be ex-spouse. What’s more, we are Seattle’s only law firm that provides mental health services in addition to unparalleled legal advocacy. Our dedicated team is prepared to help you prepare, gather evidence, and build a support network during this challenging time. Together, we can lay the foundation for a bright and secure post-divorce future for you and your loved ones to enjoy.

Navigating the divorce process may seem daunting and intimidating, but it doesn’t have to be. The dedicated team at the Hemmat Law Group is ready to support you and advocate for your best interests at every step of the divorce or legal separation process in Washington state. Please call our Seattle office today at (206) 682-5200 to get started with a trusted and experienced divorce and family law attorney.