What to Know About Filing For Divorce After a Long-Term Marriage in King County, Washington

Marriages can end at any time and for any number of reasons. In many cases, the spouses simply drift apart and find that they have conflicting priorities, so they file for divorce in order for both individuals to build new lives for themselves. Some marriages end after a year or so, while others endure for more than a decade before they end in divorce. In recent years, divorce rates have declined since their peak in the 1980s. However, so-called “gray divorce,” which refers to the divorce rate among adults over the age of 50, has risen steadily. According to recent data, approximately 22 percent of divorces in 2023 occurred in marriages that lasted for 25 years or longer. There are several reasons why gray divorce is on the rise: People are living longer, women tend to be more financially independent than in previous decades, and there is less of a stigma surrounding divorce than before. 

Those who are considering filing for divorce after 20 years in Washington state should recognize the complexities that they will need to navigate as they end their long-term marriage. After so many years together, the division of property tends to be more nuanced than in divorces where the couple has only been married for a handful of years. Additionally, gray divorce in King County can be emotionally charged, as you and your soon-to-be ex have a significant history together and it can be overwhelming to experience heightened feelings of grief, loss, anxiety, anger, sadness, and even relief during this process. Enlisting the guidance of a highly qualified and caring Seattle divorce attorney is the best way for you to fully understand what to expect during the upcoming legal process. Let’s take a look at how long-term marriage divorce in Washington state typically unfolds and the steps you can take to reduce anxiety and stress along the way. 

Financial Complexities of Gray Divorce in Washington State

When a couple has been married for many years or decades, their finances have had a substantial amount of time to become tightly intertwined. Older adults are often concerned about how the divorce will affect their retirement, and thinking through the financial consequences of a divorce can be confusing and even daunting. Women, in particular, tend to be more concerned about the economic impact of a divorce, as research found that “women experienced a 45 percent decline in their standard of living (measured by an income-to-needs ratio), whereas men’s dropped by just 21 percent.” As you explore the prospect of filing for divorce in King County after a long-term marriage, it’s natural to be concerned about how this event will affect your retirement and Social Security benefits, housing arrangements, and health costs as you age. Before you talk yourself out of ending the marriage because you are worried that the financial toll will be too great, discuss your options with an experienced and compassionate Seattle divorce lawyer who can help you identify your divorce goals and plan for a secure financial future once the divorce is finalized. 

Preparing For the Emotional Aspects of Gray Divorce

The divorce process affects virtually every aspect of your life. While you negotiate an equitable division of marital assets, decide which one of you will remain in the family home, and address spousal maintenance considerations, it’s important to recognize the emotional complexities of gray divorce. Below are just a few of the emotional challenges you may encounter as you end a long-term marriage in Washington state.

Loss of Identity

For decades, you have been part of a partnership. You and your spouse built a shared life together, and now that long chapter is ending. It’s common for those who move through the gray divorce process to experience a loss of identity as they redefine who they are as individuals without their spouse by their side. Feelings of grief and loss often accompany this realization, so it can be helpful to lean on trusted friends, family members, or a professional therapist for the support and guidance you need during this tumultuous time. 

Loneliness 

Once the long-term partnership ends, it’s common to feel isolated and lonely because your spouse is no longer living with you or communicating with you on a regular basis. If you are feeling lonely, reach out to friends and family members for the connection and support you need as your social circle shifts in the aftermath of the divorce. Many newly divorced individuals sign up for classes or attend community events to widen their social circles and forge new friendships and relationships.

Shifting Family Dynamics

Many couples who go through a gray divorce have adult children (and even grandchildren). The divorce will likely affect these dynamics, so it’s important to have open and honest conversations with your children and family members to minimize the impact of the separation. Holidays can become more delicate, so it’s worth finding healthy ways of preparing for these changes (i.e., therapy, negotiating a workable holiday schedule, etc.).

Property Division After Decades Spent Together

One of the most time consuming and difficult aspects of any divorce is negotiating an equitable division of assets between the two parties. It’s worth noting that equitable does not automatically mean an even fifty-fifty split; instead, Washington courts seek a division that allows both parties to walk away from the marriage on relatively similar financial footing. In divorces where the parties have been married for a year or so, there has not been a lot of time for the spouses to co-mingle their assets. This typically makes for a more straightforward and streamlined process. In contrast, gray divorces in King County often involve complex assets, joint banking accounts, real estate properties, and other jointly owned assets that can complicate these negotiations and prolong the divorce process. As a community property state, Washington classifies any property acquired by either spouse during the course of the marriage as an asset belonging to both parties, regardless of which spouse actually earned or acquired the property. Let’s take a look at some of the property division considerations that divorcing couples will need to address in Washington state. 

Defining Community Property vs. Separate Property

Long-term marriages tend to present more challenges when it comes to distinguishing community property from separate property. For instance, if one spouse earned the bulk of the household income during the course of the marriage, their salary would be considered community property—even though the other spouse did not earn this income. In gray divorces, most assets are considered community property, with the exception of inheritances and assets that each individual owned before entering into the marriage. If you are having trouble moving through property division negotiations, reach out to a trusted and experienced Seattle divorce attorney for the customized legal guidance you need. 

Retirement Division in a Washington Divorce

Dividing retirement plans or pensions can be especially complex for those divorcing in Washington state. In order for these divisions to take place, the parties will need to obtain a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO), which is a court-ordered document that compels a retirement plan to pay marital property rights to the other spouse as part of the divorce process. These matters can become heated and confusing, so consider partnering with a top Seattle divorce law firm for the effective representation and support you deserve. 

Spousal Maintenance in a Gray Divorce

When spouses divorce after decades together, the financial impact can be considerable. In cases where there is a significant discrepancy between the earning potential of each spouse, the court may put a spousal maintenance order in place that compels the higher-earning spouse to make a one-time payment or ongoing monthly payments to the lesser-earning spouse to account for this gap. The goal is for both spouses to have the financial resources they need to adjust to their newly independent realities. 

Estate Plan Considerations

If you have an estate plan in place at the time of your divorce, it’s essential to review these documents and update them to reflect your new circumstances and goals. You should also update the beneficiary designations on assets like your bank accounts, retirement accounts, or pension so that these assets do not automatically transfer to your ex-spouse (if this goes against your wishes). 

FAQs About Gray Divorce in Washington State

Will I Have to Pay Lifelong Spousal Support?

Probably not, but it’s possible. Lifelong spousal maintenance is rare in Washington state, but the court may put a permanent order in place if the divorcing parties were married for more than 25 years and are over the age of 50. 

How Do We Divide Retirement Savings?

Retirement savings are divided between divorcing spouses using a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO) or direct transfer, depending on whether this involves a 401(k), pension, or IRA. 

Get Started With a Caring Seattle Divorce Law Firm Today

As one of King County’s top divorce and family law firms, the Hemmat Law Group believes that successful legal outcomes start with great people. For decades, our collaborative team has served individuals, families, and parents across Seattle and Washington state, guiding them through complex and emotionally challenging family law matters. If you are looking for client-centered, responsive, and effective legal guidance, please reach out to our Seattle office today by calling (206) 682-5200 to get started with a highly experienced and caring family law and divorce attorney.